Most guests were just fine with the lines and just excited to be at Disney and see there favorite character. Then there were guest that were short of complete ass-holes. One occasion really stuck in my head. A family was coming down the exit and wanted to see the characters before anyone else. They had what we call a ulterior entrance pass. This allows them to go through the wheelchair entrances all throughout the park. One big problem, the character greetings don’t have an ulterior entrance. The only people allowed to skip ahead in line are the Make a Wish kids who have a green light pass. Green means go they taught us in attendant training. The conversation between me and the father of this family went something like this. “Hello sir, how can I help you?” I said with a very convincing fake smile I was trained to have all the god damn time. “Yea, we are here to see the characters,” with a monotone voice and a face that looked like he was tired of Disney altogether. “Okay, can I see your pass sir?” I look it over and realize it is an ulterior entrance pass. “I’m sorry sir, this is an ulterior entrance pass, they are not accepted with the character lines, only rides. But if you still want to see the characters please go back up the way you came and go into the entrance.” “We had no problem using this pass at other lines. Why are you being so rude? Don’t you see my son is in a wheelchair and can not wait in line.” First of all let me explain my mentality. If the kid is in a fucking wheel chair he does not have to stand in line anyway, it’s not like we are going to take the chair from him and make you drag him to the front of the line. No, he has the advantage from all the other people standing in line because he gets to sit down and be pushed there. This guy, however, turned out to be half OJ Simpson and half OJ Simpson with a little Charles Manson sprinkles on top. “Well I’m sorry sir we can not do that, now please exit up the way you came and join the regular entrance.” “WHY ARE YOU BEING A DICK HEAD? JUST LET US IN LINE YOU PUNK FAGGOT!” He called me a punk faggot. What the hell is a punk faggot? I was kind of stunned by this, but I did not get angry. I remained calm with that damn smile on my face. “SIR, please calm down and do not use that kind of language, there are kids here. Now if you don’t calm down I will have to remove th…” “I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU IT YOU PIECE OF SHIT ILL KNOCK YOUR ASS OUT.” I proceeded to stair him down, then said “One moment please.” I turned to the crowd and projected loudly “I apologize everyone, but I am going to have to take Pooh bear and his friends to a safe place until this gentleman either leaves the line or calms down to a state I deem safe.” I had the power to do this and you should have heard the crowd turn on the gentleman after I left. Yes he did complain, but they did not do anything. In fact, fearing that he would get a lifetime ban from the park, he apologized to me about an hour later. Things like this, not so severe, happened all the time. I apparently ruined over a thousand vacations by taking the characters in at night when the park is closed. I just have to say that it is not my fault they could not find the time to come see Pooh bear during the twelve hours the park was open. I mean if I kept the characters out even a minute after they were supposed to come in, I would never hear the end of it.

The mediacal term for what happened to me was that I dislocated my left patella. The doctor did not drug me up he simply counted to three and set it back. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but it was better til the next morning when it swelled to the size of a cantaloap. Since I could not work my normal job with crutches and a banged up knee, they put me on light duty. I did jobs like unpacking the potato head parts, sorting pins and exchanging them for cast members, and filling up squeeze breezes (the water bottle with a fan on it). Almost every day I left early from my job because I would finish my work. The squeeze breezes were the worst. I sat in a chair for eight hours near a water faucet and filled up the bottles and placed the lids on them. By the end of the day i was wet, bored, and still very pissed off. The potato head parts required me to open the boxes and sort out the parts and place them in the appropriate bin. I played a game with them. I started off with about thirty boxes and told myself I was not going to look at the clock until all the boxes were done. I got through half and I figured I was about an hour and a half in. I told myself “Ok, so far so good, you can keep this up.” I finished the boxes and figured three hours had gone by and it was time for my lunch. I got up and walked to the clock. “Forty-five minutes? MOTHER FUCKING COCK WHORIN BITCH!,” I exclaimed loudly. When asked why I said that, I told my fellow employees that I stepped on my bad leg wrong. Don’t worry, I was in the back of the store and no guests could hear me. So I left early that day and went home to relax.