The accident.

I was living in a place called vista way, which according to playboy is the number two place for college singles to hook up. i must admit that this was a big factor in me going to work for disney. I mentioned my room mates a bit, but there was one incident that still pisses me off everytime i think about it. It was about 3 months into my program, just before I dislocated my knee. I was awoken at 3 in the morning by my roommate telling me there was someone at the door. Fisrt of all, i work 10 to 12 hours a day and am dead tired at 3 AM so i am a little grumpy at this time (yes, a pun was inteneded.)
"WHATIZIT" I shouted
"someone at the door dave" my roommate said
I woke up and walked out the bedroom door, and as soon as i hit the carpet, it was wet. I heard a sound like it was raining inside! The lights would not come on, the power was out, so i walked through the kitchen where i am up to my ankels in water. I get closer to the noise and water is pouring from the roof. The fireman came in and when he shined his flashlight, i saw that the lightfixture had fallen, and there was a whole in the roof that was about 2 feet in diametor. They were rushing us out, i did not even have a chance to grab any pants, and neither did any of the people that lived in my apartment. So there we were, all 6 of us out side infront of the building in our boxers and only half of us had t-shirts on. Then they evacuated the whole building. all 100 people came out. Then, what happened to my flat mates and i made us want to quit the program right then and there...

(to be continued)

Most guests were just fine with the lines and just excited to be at Disney and see there favorite character. Then there were guest that were short of complete ass-holes. One occasion really stuck in my head. A family was coming down the exit and wanted to see the characters before anyone else. They had what we call a ulterior entrance pass. This allows them to go through the wheelchair entrances all throughout the park. One big problem, the character greetings don’t have an ulterior entrance. The only people allowed to skip ahead in line are the Make a Wish kids who have a green light pass. Green means go they taught us in attendant training. The conversation between me and the father of this family went something like this. “Hello sir, how can I help you?” I said with a very convincing fake smile I was trained to have all the god damn time. “Yea, we are here to see the characters,” with a monotone voice and a face that looked like he was tired of Disney altogether. “Okay, can I see your pass sir?” I look it over and realize it is an ulterior entrance pass. “I’m sorry sir, this is an ulterior entrance pass, they are not accepted with the character lines, only rides. But if you still want to see the characters please go back up the way you came and go into the entrance.” “We had no problem using this pass at other lines. Why are you being so rude? Don’t you see my son is in a wheelchair and can not wait in line.” First of all let me explain my mentality. If the kid is in a fucking wheel chair he does not have to stand in line anyway, it’s not like we are going to take the chair from him and make you drag him to the front of the line. No, he has the advantage from all the other people standing in line because he gets to sit down and be pushed there. This guy, however, turned out to be half OJ Simpson and half OJ Simpson with a little Charles Manson sprinkles on top. “Well I’m sorry sir we can not do that, now please exit up the way you came and join the regular entrance.” “WHY ARE YOU BEING A DICK HEAD? JUST LET US IN LINE YOU PUNK FAGGOT!” He called me a punk faggot. What the hell is a punk faggot? I was kind of stunned by this, but I did not get angry. I remained calm with that damn smile on my face. “SIR, please calm down and do not use that kind of language, there are kids here. Now if you don’t calm down I will have to remove th…” “I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU IT YOU PIECE OF SHIT ILL KNOCK YOUR ASS OUT.” I proceeded to stair him down, then said “One moment please.” I turned to the crowd and projected loudly “I apologize everyone, but I am going to have to take Pooh bear and his friends to a safe place until this gentleman either leaves the line or calms down to a state I deem safe.” I had the power to do this and you should have heard the crowd turn on the gentleman after I left. Yes he did complain, but they did not do anything. In fact, fearing that he would get a lifetime ban from the park, he apologized to me about an hour later. Things like this, not so severe, happened all the time. I apparently ruined over a thousand vacations by taking the characters in at night when the park is closed. I just have to say that it is not my fault they could not find the time to come see Pooh bear during the twelve hours the park was open. I mean if I kept the characters out even a minute after they were supposed to come in, I would never hear the end of it.

The mediacal term for what happened to me was that I dislocated my left patella. The doctor did not drug me up he simply counted to three and set it back. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but it was better til the next morning when it swelled to the size of a cantaloap. Since I could not work my normal job with crutches and a banged up knee, they put me on light duty. I did jobs like unpacking the potato head parts, sorting pins and exchanging them for cast members, and filling up squeeze breezes (the water bottle with a fan on it). Almost every day I left early from my job because I would finish my work. The squeeze breezes were the worst. I sat in a chair for eight hours near a water faucet and filled up the bottles and placed the lids on them. By the end of the day i was wet, bored, and still very pissed off. The potato head parts required me to open the boxes and sort out the parts and place them in the appropriate bin. I played a game with them. I started off with about thirty boxes and told myself I was not going to look at the clock until all the boxes were done. I got through half and I figured I was about an hour and a half in. I told myself “Ok, so far so good, you can keep this up.” I finished the boxes and figured three hours had gone by and it was time for my lunch. I got up and walked to the clock. “Forty-five minutes? MOTHER FUCKING COCK WHORIN BITCH!,” I exclaimed loudly. When asked why I said that, I told my fellow employees that I stepped on my bad leg wrong. Don’t worry, I was in the back of the store and no guests could hear me. So I left early that day and went home to relax.

I got into my job at disney after the first month. I decided to make the best of it and everytime the characters "went for hunny" i entertained the crowd so they would not be bored for the ten minuts. I did things liuke place my hat on my shoe and flip it up on my head, told jokes like "there is a new fastpass system for the character lines. All you do is take out a 20 dollar bill and write fastpass on it and you get to the head." which they laughed at, or do a few magic tricks i learned at downtown disney. Everyone loved it, the other attendants, my captin, the characters, and most of all the guests. The only ones who did not like it were the managers of the park. I was called into the office to talk about my antics. They told me i was being too entertaining and was destracting from the characters. I called that bullshit and they did not seem to like that. I explained that the department i was in was entertainment. I was just doing my job. They told me to knock it off or i would be suspended. Great. the one thing that was making me kinda happy (yes more happy then the 12 hour days, 5 days a week, making only 150 a week). So i was bleek, boring, and dull. Then the reviews came around and told me to be more lively. I was like "WHAT THE FUCK?" So from then on i did whatever the fuck i wanted and did not care about my bosses. However i was too entertaining because when i was trying to limbo under one of the ropeswith a guest, i dislocated my left knee. This started the part of my job that i call being so bored i want to comit suicide. More on the boring ass jobs they made me do as a disabled worker next time. How they treated me like shit because i was disabled next time. And more on my physical theropy and mean ass doctors next time.

The people that were "friends of the characters" (not the same thing as Character attendent) thought they were higher then everyother person in the park because they did not have to do shit jobs like sweeping or working as a vendor. They trained to act like the real thing, not that i am confirming nor denying there is or is not a real thing. You ask me today and i will still only say there is only one Mickey Mouse in the whole Wide World of disney. I am definitly not going to post the truth, or the untruth here because now that i am 21 and own my own truck i can be sued. Not all of the people that were "friends of the characters" was so bad. In fact I met and fell hard for a girl the was "friends" with pooh bear. Now you got to realize that about 50% of the guys down there was someone who like a member of the same sex (not that there is anything wring with that). So i figured i had a better shot, until i foind out that 60% of the ladies were bisexual or more (again there is nothing wrong with that) so i was back to squair one. We had a friendship that lasted for about a month and a half and i swear she never told me she had a fiance that was over seas. So the one night that we spent together, greatest night of my life thus far, i was feeling happy. The next day a rumor spread that we slept together and out of respect for her i denyed denyed denyed although all i wanted to do was tell the world. After she knew we were safe, we parted ways and never talked again. One problem, we still had to see eachother every single day til one of us got out of pooh bear hell. Did it work, did i spill the beans, did her fiance find out? All these answers will be answered now. Yes, No, No.

All newbies to the Disney company have to go through something called traditions. It is basically a 4 hour class where you learn the background of disney, get your diusney worker's ID, and try not to fall asleep. After that, I went to my training to be a character attendant. These classes were eight hours of hell. They could have summed it all up in one sentance. "Be nice to the guests and make sure the characters are protected." After all the training, boringness, and general stupidity that was my first two weeks, I was ready to begin my actual job. I showed up my first day like an energetic puppy in a store window looking to get picked by someone. I put on a shirt that made me look like a bumblebee, shorts that were too big for me, and my black hat and i reported to "boat dock". This is the magical land where all our favorite characters of the hundred acer woods come to meet there fans. It included pooh bear, piglet, tigger, and eeyore. After the first hour, i realized I did not care if pooh lived or died, but dont tell him that. The end of my first day made me feel like it was going to be a long seven month, and you know what? IT WAS!!!

When i got my acceptance letter last year around May, i was happy to be cast as a character attendent. This is basically the person that babysits the characters when they are meeting with guests. I fineshed up the college year, went home to NC, Packed my newly aquired truck (it was actully my grand mothers) spent a day or two with my father down in Georga, then was on my way to Walt Disney World. The morning i arrived i checked in, got my ID for the housing development i was living in (Vista way, it was basically a drom type of situation) and set out to meet my room mates. I dont want to reveal there true names, but i will give them nicknames and describe them. There was Mr. E, who ended up being my best friend for 3 months til we had a falling out (more on that later), Mr. M, who was the gay one, Mr. F, who lasted two weeks before he quit the program, Mr. S, the token black guy, And Mr. G, my roommate. We were a band of misfits thrown together inside one house and forced to live together in harmony. Will we survive? Will we end up killing eachother? Will we ever get past the fact that disney was not what it seams? Found out next time on the most exciting episode yet of THE REAL WORLD DISNEY.

Introduction

I am big d. I recently finished a seven month job at Walt Disney world. I will tell you about my experiences and how they were not what they promised me when they recruited me. If you are looking for a blog that tells you all the dirty secrets behind the “magicalness of Disney”, look elsewhere. While I will not tell you anything that will compromise this, I will tell you the truth behind working there, living there, and how they treat you when you are of no more use to them anymore. The different stories will involve things like how I was treated by not only the different employees, but how I was treated by guests and how I must have ruined a thousand vacations because of my job. How I got in trouble for doing my job “too well” and drawing attention away from the characters. Also, the way I was almost discarded from the Disney college program because I got injured, but they couldn’t because I pulled some really nice legal shit. And by doing that it started a three month stint of doing jobs not even an illegal immigrant would do (and I am not cracking a joke or making fun of illegal immigrants in any way, I am just going off the old stereotype that they do a lot of jobs most people do not want). And lastly, making so little money that I lived off of ramen noodles and one dollar Pringles. All the stories I will share are true and factual to the best of my recollection. I may change some names to protect the few people I actually care about that are still down there in Florida. Once again, I am not going to tell any secrets in this blog. I just want anyone thinking that they want to work for Disney one day to hear my experiences.